Sexual relationships

Loving, caring relationships are important for everyone - and many want these to develop into sexual relationships. For everyone these relationships are a source of happiness and sadness, joy and disappointment, anxiety and pleasure, fulfilment and rejection.

Relationships are an aspect of life which can be difficult and worrying for everyone. A bladder control problem is a further complication, but does not mean that intimate relationships are impossible.

If you have a bladder control problem, you may feel that it is impossible for you to have any kind of intimate relationship. You may have been hiding your problem and are frightened that a close relationship means that your secret will be discovered. You may be embarrassed that you need to wear pads or a catheter and you may worry about what possible partners will think of that.

When people who are incontinent think about relationships they often immediately think ahead to the stage where such a relationship becomes physical, and so they tend to focus immediately only on the problems their incontinence might cause at that stage.

But it is important to remember that sexual activity is not the only important factor in a relationship. You are unlikely to find yourself entering into a physical relationship before first having developed a deep caring friendship with your partner, and a good degree of respect and understanding.

Bearing this in mind, it may help if you imagine that it is not you who has the continence problem but your desired partner. If trust, friendship and desire have already grown between you, would a partner’s continence problem cause you to reject them? Would you not rather want to support them and help to find a way around the problem so that your relationship can grow?

Sexual activity is a source of anxiety as well as pleasure for most people. It is normal to worry about what can go wrong. Incontinence is just another complication. A good way to remove some of the worries about how incontinence might affect intimacy and sexual activity is to think ahead about practical problems that might happen and plan how to deal with them.